[dramatic pause moment]
Yeah…we’ve all watched or took part in that child’s game where you can ‘lose a lot of players’ at the drop of a hat. You might call it a quick culling.
Jesus saw a lot of that Himself. He’d say something about following Him or taking up a
cross or laying down your life for His sake and Boom…He’d lose another group. (John 6:66)
Need I distinguish the difference between a fun child’s game and a serious walk with our creator that has eternal consequences? “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord’ and not do the things I say?” (Lu 6:46)
Regarding my post the other morning…challenging you to examine your heart as to anything you have been reluctant to give up or turn from that God might be dealing with. - I obviously speak from what scripture teaches about loving God with ALL our hearts. But I also speak from personal experience as well.
Today…I share more of that.
Back on January 1, I shared a portion of my own personal testimony regarding one of the first lessons God taught me on the very first day I ‘gave my life to Jesus’. You can go to my blog post and find it easily or scroll back here on my FB page if you want to read it. It had to do with God opening my eyes and making it clear that I was living a world where there was a strong spiritual influence of ‘spirits’ that meant to do harm and destroy and that I better make note of it.
Today, I want to share another portion of my testimony that will highlight the second significant lesson I learned in my new walk with God. As mentioned in Part 1, I was living in Arizona at the time where I shared an apartment with an old school friend. I was dating an old girlfriend at the time and had wanted to share with her of my recent ‘conversion’ and the experience I encountered that first night of turning my life over to God. She was not very receptive to it nor interested in my new-found faith or all the chatter and talk which was all I wanted to talk about at the time.
But this did not hinder my passion to press in and pursue knowing God more. He had made Himself real to me and my love for Him was growing. Admittedly, it was a bit sad to not be able to share this passion with her but it was apparent to me there was nothing I could do about it. I continued to read and study my bible and even started visiting some different churches that were not like the one I had grown up in.
My girlfriend at the time could tell something had certainly captured my affections and I guess she may have felt a bit ‘threatened’ by that. But things really began to get awkward when God started to deal with a particular area of my life at that time. It had to do with my ‘physical’ relationship with her. Let me just say that that aspect of our relationship had changed as I found myself experiencing great remorse and unrest after every time we ‘were together’.
I was truly confused not knowing at the time what was happening to me. It was not pleasant and I would later come to learn that I was coming under conviction over this area in my life. One day she was over at my place sitting on the couch and I was on the floor reading my bible. I had kept seeing this particular word ‘jump’ off the pages and I have to admit, I didn’t even know what the word was, so I asked her if she did. The word was ‘fornication’ and I was unfamiliar with its meaning.
She knew what it was and told me, puzzled as to why I was asking.
In that moment, I realized what was happening. God was exposing an area of sin in my life and He was letting me know that this was going to have to cease if I was to continue this walk with Him. There was no negotiating. I then had little doubt this would be the end of my relationship with her.
I worked up the nerve to discuss with her that since we were not married, I could no longer engage in this ‘activity’ with her. She thought I had lost my mind. And to be honest, I was beginning to think I had as well. I remember her asking if marriage was even in our future.
Let me just inject here that at this point in my early walk with Jesus, I was sold out. I mean, I was ready to move to Africa and live in a hut and tell people about Jesus if that was what God was wanting of me. The idea of marrying a woman, who was reluctantly open to visiting churches with me at the time, would probably not be on board with this whole-hearted readiness I had to follow God to the ends of the world.
It was apparent that this relationship was going to meet a fork in the road and would come to an end soon. As much as I cared for her and can even say I ‘loved’ her, I loved God more. And He was now the number one influence in my life.
I had resigned myself to the fact our days were numbered, yet unclear though how it would end.
In the meantime, I had found a church that we began attending. She was really trying to do what she could to keep us together, but also recognized she had been ‘replaced’ as the first love in my life.
I won’t lie…there were many difficult days and discussions and tears shared. She had complied and respected my decision to abstain in that one area regarding our physical relationship. She started ‘attending’ church with me…admittedly liking the friendly people there, but she gave no indication of showing any interest in what being there was all about to begin with.
Meantime, I had looked in to a bible College in Texas that I wanted to attend. I was ready to move on in my life following Jesus. Serving or ‘working’ for Him was all I wanted to do. And if moving to Texas and attending this school was the next part of the journey, I was all in. But what to do…with ‘her’?
On this one particular Sunday morning, the service was coming to a close. The preacher had ‘opened the altars’ for anyone to come down and pray. I just knew I had to go have a talk with God.
We usually sat in the back of the church and I whispered to her that I was going down front to pray a bit. Her response seemed irritated and impatient, asking me to hurry and be quick about it so we could leave.
I made my way to the front, got on my knees and began to pour my heart out to God, pleading, begging, and asking for guidance and help in moving on to this next phase of my walk with Him.
I remember telling Him that I was committed to going to Texas…was ready and willing but did not know how to navigate the relationship I was in at that time with my girlfriend. I conveyed to God that I was really hoping she could be a part of this journey with me, but it was not looking hopeful in any shape or form. It was then that I ‘placed her on the altar’ and told God that if there were any way He could change her heart and bring her to Him and us together, that would be my first desire. But…if she was Not to be a part of this journey, then I was ready to move on without her.
I wanted God to know my pursuit of Him was unconditional and my first priority. I then asked Him to advise or guide me how to ‘break off’ this relationship where it would not bring her more pain, as I truly did love and cared for her.
What happened next will forever be etched in my mind and heart.
As I basically ‘offered her up’ in that moment, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned…and there she stood, then falling to her knees…tears…running down her cheeks. She was visibly shaken…and told me she was ready to give her life to Jesus as well.
I. Was. Speechless.
And I was reminded of the promise in Matthew 6:33 of the importance of ‘Seeking First…the Kingdom of God…and all these other things will be added unto you.”
May I tell you that she and I …just celebrated our 41st wedding anniversary on the 3rd of this month.
When God declares that we are to love Him with ALL our hearts…that He has to be Number One, …He is not kidding.
But oh friend…when you truly commit your life to Him…wholeheartedly and without ‘conditions’…you cannot imagine what great things He has prepared for those who love Him.
So the Second important lesson I learned early on in my walk with God? - When He begins to deal with sin in our lives, we will repent and turn from it…IF…we are truly serious in saying we have come to Him…with ALL our hearts. But also know…you need to mean it. Because He will call your hand…or should I say, test your heart.
We know what caused the rich young ruler in Matthew 19 to balk and turn and go his own way. There was something he obviously loved more…than God.
2 Chron 16:9 declares this truth: “For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is fully devoted to Him.”
When you ‘leave all’, you will then find all. Where is your treasure? Hope to you see you tomorrow where we will change gears again. Be sure to bring a fresh note pad and pen…and of course, your bible.
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