It was another one of those ‘defining moments’ that I mentioned in a post the other day, where I had a significant learning lesson to take in as I was ‘back in school’ learning what it meant to ‘abide in Jesus’. I was about a year and a half in from having that ‘personal awakening’ that I refer to here regularly; so this incident took place five years ago.

My family was making their way out to South Carolina to spend some time with my brother and his crew at his lake home, which had been a gathering place for family reunions over the past two decades. I had actually flown out two days earlier to spend some time with my parents who lived close by, but would not be able to venture up to the lake house due to their age and physical limitations.

By now, I had already settled in to a pattern of early morning risings to spend time in the word where I’d pour over more scripture. I had begun to fill up countless legal pads with notes, but mostly writing out particular verses that I believed the Holy Spirit was placing emphasis on daily, for me to consume.

On the day the rest of my crew was flying in before we headed up to the lake, there was a ‘familiar theme’ to the portions of scripture I was being directed to write out and study. I say familiar because as I was jumping from page to page, writing out these verses, I remember thinking to myself – ‘oh yeah…I know this…I know this…this is all familiar to me now’. They all seemed to pertain to what we might refer to as ‘spiritual warfare’; passages that admonish us to ‘be alert and clear minded…because of our enemy who roams about seeking to devour’ and ‘give no place to the devil’ and how it is ‘not flesh and blood we contend with’ as we are ‘not ignorant of the enemies devices’, (1 Pet. 5:8; Eph. 4:27; 6:12; 2 Cor. 2:11).

I do remember that while I was nowhere close to being ‘dismissive’ of what I was studying, I have to admit that I had probably ‘lowered my shield of faith’ just a notch or two, because after all…it was ‘vacation week’ and I was looking forward to being with all the family. This visit was a tad extra exciting for us because Lisa, our oldest, would be there as well, 5-6 months pregnant carrying the twins, our first and only grandchildren. Not living close to her and her husband, I was excited to spend some time with her in this ‘state’ of pregnancy, secretly hoping that I might have the thrill of feeling the boys ‘kick’ for my first time ever.

Fast-forward to a few days later, and we are all up there at the lake house basking in the afterglow of a wonderful dinner, a soon to be setting sun, and spread out over the deck area visiting with one another. My brother had prepared a video from a recent family wedding that we all enjoyed, and I remember when it was over, I stood up to go chat with Kathy (my wife) who was sitting next to Lisa on some steps during the showing of the movie. Kathy’s face was aglow as she told me: “Guess what I got to feel? The boys were kicking!”

But instead of rejoicing with her, the very first thought that penetrated my brain was: “Why didn’t you come down and get me so I could feel that too! You know I wanted to experience that!?” And instead of ‘bringing into captivity that very thought’ (2 Cor. 10:5), I let those words roll out across my lips, directed at my wife with a cold stare. And that is when I ‘felt it’.

Have you ever seen those old movies, where a lone soldier might be standing guard and out of nowhere comes this fierce arrow from a bow and just impales him…before he crumples to the ground? Yeah…that’s what it was like, and having ‘let down my guard’, it was as if I was pierced with a flaming arrow, and immediately anger and resentment spread through my veins. I was stunned. This was the first time since God had begun a new work in me 18 months previously, that I had felt such heated anger fill my heart, and it scared me. It made no sense whatsoever to feel such resentment over something so innocent and silly; but there I was and I could feel the hardness and stiffness building up within my heart. I knew I needed to excuse myself before I uttered any more words that I would later regret.

So I opted to make it ‘an early night’ and made my way up to the bedroom where we were staying. I felt so helpless, and just began praying silently, asking God for wisdom and assistance, still very much aware that this ‘arrow’ was protruding through my heart and I could not remove it. At one point, Kathy came in to check on me, puzzled as to why I was going to bed then when everyone else was starting to play some games. I just muttered something about not feeling well and to let me be.

The next morning, I was up early, as usual. I quietly made my way downstairs, fixed a cup of coffee and took it and my Bible out on to the deck in the early morning light of a new day. I could still fill the ‘stiffness’ and seething resentment in my body, similar to that stiffness you feel when the poison from a spider bite or wasp sting settles into where your were attacked. And in the quietness of that morning, I just began praying asking God what happened, and how can I be ‘made well’. I knew my reaction had been over the top, and knew that Kathy had done nothing deserving of my ire. But there I was pleading with God for understanding and relief.

There was no question for me…that I had ‘let my guard down, and took an arrow’ that we read about in Eph. 6:16. I had not ‘remained vigilant’ as Peter talks about in 1 Pet. 5:8. I had ‘given place to the enemy’ by not ‘bringing into captivity …every thought to the obedience of Christ’…which made me an easy target the night before. We don’t get ‘vacations’ when we are in a legitimate ‘war’. But this ‘arrow’ was still in me, and I knew that if I did not get it out, ‘infection’ would soon set in. It was then I was directed to read 2 Corinthians 2:5-11. It’s the passage where Paul was instructing the church there to forgive a brother and to ‘reaffirm their love to him’. And in that moment…’the light came on’, and I saw my ‘cure’.

Kathy had done nor said anything deserving of asking forgiveness. I cannot stress that enough, and even if…she had…the remedy was staring me in the face on those pages I was reading. I simply prayed aloud…”God…forgive me for reacting the way I did last night. Kathy did nothing wrong, but I forgive her and want to reaffirm my love towards her and assure her she did nor said anything wrong.”

And in that instant…I could feel that ‘arrow leaving my body’…and my heart was immediately filled with nothing but peace…and a love that I could not wait to demonstrate and affirm towards her. However I had enough sense she might appreciate it more if I waited until she was awake. :- ). What transpired over the next hour was nothing short of some ‘God winks’ as another family member came out and some rich fellowship in the Lord followed in conversation. At one point, Kathy was up, stuck her head out where I was visiting and my heart just smiled when I saw her, and waved…and continued on with my conversation.

Lessons learned…the battle is real, the enemy is legitimate, and he never rests from ‘roaming about seeking to devour’. We would do well to sit up and be reminded of this fact.