Her name was Maria.

Our paths crossed back in the mid ‘80’s when we lived in San Antonio. We were going through a ‘different season of learning’ as one might say, having just come out of a mis-guided church movement that was heavy on ‘faith and believing’ for all kinds of good things, but fell short in other critical areas. IYKYK

We lived in a small rental house that belonged to a friend of ours who had converted the detached garage into a small efficiency apartment which he rented out to Maria. She was, at the time probably in her late 30’s-early 40’s, single, and if I’m not mistaken, was an LVN or in some related field. She was also a ‘new, young believer’ who was ‘on fire for God’ and very much immersed, herself, in the ‘believing/claiming/confessing’ crowd that we had recently come out of. In fact, she might have been running a few clicks higher than we were in her intensity level and zeal.

We got to know Maria well...she was like part of the family for a season when she lived there. I still remember the day she came in and sat down with Kathy and I and shared in a somber tone that she had found a lump on her breast and was struggling with whether to see a doctor or just ‘trust God’. We did encourage her to at least have it checked out, which she did and come to find out it was a malignant tumor.

I can’t remember now if she was in-between jobs, or if there was insurance issues, but long story short- she did not go back and seek any medical help and opted to ‘stand on God’s word’ and trust Him for healing. What transpired over the next few months will always remain etched in my heart and memory, and in Kathy’s as well. Maria’s body wasted away before our eyes. But this is where the story becomes quite redeeming and made such a lasting impression because while her body was devoured by cancer, her ‘spirit’ and heart underwent a transformation unlike anything I had ever witnessed; as did her ‘theology’.

In those last remaining weeks of her life, Kathy and I looked in on her regularly and I kid you not, there was almost a compelling to remove our shoes when we entered her little place which was nothing short of ‘holy ground’. We would sit in reverential awe and listen to the things God was showing her and sharing with her from scripture. I can still hear her quote 2 Cor. 4:16 which speak how our ‘outward man perishes, but our inward man is renewed day by day...”.

Much of what she shared in those final weeks probably never really sunk in at the time, but she spoke to the shallowness that so many people in the ‘church world’ were walking in, including her own walk at that time leading up to the cancer discovery. You could see how this ‘fiery testing’ she was now going through was nothing short of a divine refining and purifying of her own heart/spirit.’

I think of Maria often as a reminder that one truly go through the refining fires of ‘suffering’ where Satan can attack our bodies...’for the destruction of our flesh...so that our spirits might be saved’. (1 Cor. 5:5). But not everyone who goes through these fires ...experience this refining as many will be destroyed...IF...there is no genuine repentance (Isa. 42:23-25; Rev. 9:20-21; Acts 3:22-23). And God is the one who sees the hearts and makes that ‘call’, not us.

Maria was not afflicted with cancer because she was a ‘worse sinner than anyone else’, but in the process of her affliction, she was brought to true repentance. (Luke 13:1-5) and her spirit was renewed and ‘saved’. (1 Cor. 3:13-15; Ps. 119:65-71). This was not my assessment of her ordeal...this was the confession of her own testimony. Could God have healed her physical body after her spirit was renewed? Absolutely. But I can see even more clearly today as to why He probably chose not to at that time...and it was most likely for her own good...if not mine as well.

Maria finally ended up in the hospital for the last several days of her life to be given pain relief before she passed away.  To this day I'm not sure that I can recall knowing anyone who was more prepared, passionate, and eager to go be with Jesus for eternity. Her love for the Lord had grown deep in the midst of her affliction. That is not always the case.  Oftentimes, we forget that small 'clause' at the end of Romans 8:28 that promises how 'all things work together for good'...as the promise is given to 'those who love Him'.

To 'depart and to be with Christ is far better'...as Paul said in Phil. 1:23-24; but only in His timing.