I won’t lie...when I went to bed last night, my heart was not feeling very ‘merry’.
There is only one word that comes to mind to describe what I felt I was being swallowed up by, and that would be ‘disappointment’.
The past 48 hours have been a tad brutal on the hearts of my family. As most are aware, the winter storm that came and crashed the party this week wreaked havoc on travel plans, which also meant disrupting Christmas plans for who knows how many thousands of people.
Last count I heard, between 10-12 thousand flights were cancelled this past several days due to weather and staffing challenges.
All three of our daughters were among those cancelations.
Yeah...once again....I won’t lie. The weight of disappointment has been quite heavy here. It has been years since we were all together at our home for a Christmas. This year, was going to be extra special with the twin grandsons being a part of the mix. IFKYK.
We went all out on decorations this year for the house (Wife’s idea). There has been shopping and gifts and food prepared and treats and plans and expectations like we have not seen around here in some time.
I had been saving up boxes to make tunnels for the boys to play in (15 months old now and walking). There were going to be piles of leaves to introduce them to; and as you might expect...I was chomping at the bits for an updated family portrait that I could not wait to share with everyone. I even thought this through and bought some flashy fireworks the other day that I could set aflame behind where I was going to set up my camera to keep the boys’ attention when I triggered the camera with my hand-held remote.
The hardest part leading up to this was the anticipation of everyone getting here. Fresh firewood was stacked...the house was clean...the fridge and pantry were bursting at the seam with goodies; and then...Elliot arrived. (so-called named storm).
The first ‘casualty’ was our youngest daughter, Caralyn, and her boyfriend, Austin ,due to leave Seattle early Friday morning. Ice storm shut that down quickly. They were just fortunate to get back home safely, minus their checked bag which they were told would be ‘days’ before it would surface. There would be no flights out of there until Monday, if at all. Believe me, we were all trying to figure out how to get them here even if it meant driving to another state to catch a plane...but roads were too dangerous. They would not be here for this Christmas.
Minda, our middle daughter, was due in later that evening. Kathy was going to pick her up after work and bring her home. We were not anticipating travel problems out of Charlotte, NC. But then travel problems arose. First in the form of a 90 minute delay which quickly led to a cancellation. More shock and disappointment settled in before we were able to scramble and secure a flight out of SC early the next morning. I picked her up at DFW yesterday morning at 9:30. Lisa and her family were scheduled to leave San Jose, CA at 8:30 that same morning and we had caravan plans to pick them all up and make our way back home to enjoy our time, in spite of missing Caralyn and Austin terribly.
Then we got the text...after a challenging morning there on the west coast getting luggage and two boys through insane security lines, then being informed of a 90 minute delay...word came crashing in that their flight was cancelled. Nothing was available.
There was simply...nothing...anyone could do. There was no one to blame...nothing to be mad at and not a thing we could do. No doubt, a tidal wave of disappointment swept across this nation the past few days as thousands upon thousands of people were facing the similar scenarios. Many of them, no doubt; in worse circumstances than what my family was facing. Imagine the challenges of families stuck or caught at connecting flights up north where their only options have been to sit around an airport and wait things out. Not the Christmas they were planning on either.
I promise you, I was now in ‘coping mode’ trying to digest all this news and keep a ‘healthy perspective’ so as not to be crushed under the weight of this disappointment. We had prayed for a different outcome. Yes, I was thankful to have Minda with me in the car and that she arrived safely...but I can assure you, her heart was aching as well as mine. We love those boys and were so excited about all being together this weekend as a family.
The word ‘disappointment’ means: “sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.”
I cannot remember the last time I had to fight off such a force like this, personally.
I tried to defuse the hurt and ache by reminding myself of so many others stranded in cold airports with kids and literally in limbo having zero options. And as I often try to do when faced with undesirable circumstances, I began considering others around me who have even more painful challenges to work through. I thought about my good friend who lost his young wife earlier this year in a horrible car accident and is facing his first Christmas alone with his two teenage daughters.. This...was not the Christmas they had anticipated.
My thoughts went to a local family whose young son/brother passed away due to a brain tumor. I assisted in his funeral a few months back. This Christmas rings hollow for that family and fiancée who no doubt, never anticipated this loss nor a Christmas without him.
I even was reminding myself of the thousands of families in the Ukraine who are dealing with the challenges and losses they have had to contend with during this war with Russa. Yes...I was bombarding my own mind with reminders of how far worse things could really be.
And yet...I laid my head down last night, still suppressing tears of disappointment....wanting to wake up this morning with those boys and watch them unwrap gifts and wrestle with them in front of the fireplace in our PJ’s and bury our faces in cinnamon rolls that Minda would be making. I have two turkeys ready to go on the smoker and the family portrait was set to be taken later today.
As I closed my eyes last night and sighed heavily...I remember whispering to the Lord...”I’m ready to get up in the morning as normal if there is something you want to share with my heart from your word”. I can tell you right now, I had zero expectations of having anything to share with you here as I have the past 475 mornings. And the last thought that settled in as I dozed off was: “This...is not the Christmas I was expecting.”
Sure enough, my eyes popped open around 3 AM. I got up, put the coffee on, sat down at my desk with my bible and just happened to glance at a post my oldest daughter, Lisa, made last night on her social media page. This was her post:
“Christmas does not look like what we expected this year, ... but that’s kind of the whole point – What we expected was a king. What came...was a baby.”
....
If you are among those who don’t believe that the God of all creation knows how to speak to us, and is willing to do that very thing, I feel sorry for you.
That...was the word I need to hear and the reminder that I truly serve, know, and love a King whose “ways are above my ways and his thoughts are not my thoughts”. (Isa. 55:8)
The people...anticipating a mighty king and deliverer to set them free from all that ailed them...got a little poor baby born in a stable on that first Christmas morning. It was not the package they were looking for ‘under the tree’. Yet, He grew and waxed strong, ‘increasing in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men.’ (Luke 2:52)
Jesus began to fulfill God’s plan for Him, declaring that the kingdom had come and instructing men everywhere to repent and follow Him. (Matt. 4:17,19). And many did begin to follow...for a while. But, when their expectations began to fade and this ‘teacher’ along with His words began to clash with how they thought things should go, we read they no longer followed Him and went another way. (John 6:66)
This would not be the first time folks who were distracted with other cares did this. (Matt. 22:5).
Then...Jesus, that ‘gift’ given to all the world 33 years earlier was nailed to a tree. And once again, dreams and anticipations were crushed even among His closest followers.
God has this way of allowing those who love Him...to misunderstand Him at times...in order for Him to reveal His greater purposes in our lives. But first, there are things that have....to die. There would be no resurrection unless there was a death on the cross. God’s glory could not have been revealed in the life of Lazarus, until he died first. (John 11). During that exchange there in John 6 where ‘many disciples’ no longer followed Him...obviously...disappointed...Jesus watched them walk away. Probably like another disappointed rich young ruler we read about in Matt. 19.
Jesus turned and asked the twelve who remained: “Do you also want to go away?” It was Peter who replied “But Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life...we know you are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” (67-69)
We all need reminders, do we not...that He truly is...The One. And He was kind enough to remind me early this morning...that even when things don’t go the way we planned...that is to be expected. That is...the whole point of Christmas...we expected one thing...and He gave us something else. Are you not going to stick around...and see what He has planned?
Last report, Lisa and her family will be coming in late Monday night. Call it delayed gratification if you will. It’s all good...as is our God...and His gift to all the world.
Merry Christmas. :- )
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