You’ll notice I didn’t use it as a greeting preceded by the word ‘Happy’.
It’s one of those ‘holidays’ that can be painfully awkward for many people, much like the same reasons ‘Mother’s Day’ is.
It is not some designated national holiday where all the federal institutions like banks and such shut down and people have to be paid extra for working that day if they indeed do have to work.
My guess is that a group of folks looking for a way to make some money came up with the idea to pick two days, get some kind of federal approval to have it ‘designated as a holiday’ so that way, greeting card companies and tool companies and florist could make a killing. ;- ). And I don’t say that with any cynicism or resentment. There is nothing wrong, in my opinion for having such days set aside to give a shout out to moms and dads everywhere. I’m sure there will be many pics of dads shared on social media today as well and sentimental stories and words of appreciation.
But it can still be a painfully awkward day and greeting to say ‘Happy Father’s Day’…especially in the case when the person you express that to grew up in a home where they were beaten and abused and hated and scorned. Or abandoned…by their father and witnessed how their mom (or caretaker) struggled for years to raise them because of the father’s absence.
And God only knows how many women have suffered through a church service on Mother’s Day when all the mothers present were asked to stand and come forward for a carnation or rose while they sat awkwardly on the pew and held back the painful tears because they were never able to bear children.
Yeah…you get the idea. Now please don’t think I’m suggesting we ban such days and practices as another ‘cog in the cancel culture mentality’ where if a minority of folks are upset by something, then we do away with anything related to whatever offends or hurts their feelings. This is more about simply recognizing the need to more sensitive to others around us given we rarely know a person’s whole ‘story’.
I say all that to say this…when some disciples of Jesus asked Him to teach them how to pray, He began with this phrase: “Our Father, who is in heaven…”.
That line does not strike a painful nerve for me, personally. I grew up in a home where I had a very loving dad who provided well for me, disciplined me, loved me…and taught me how to laugh, among other things. He wanted nothing but the best for me and while he may have lacked certain strengths when it came to communicating various things over the years, I never, ever questioned his love for me. In fact, today will be the first time in my 62 years of existence that he is not alive where I can send a card or call him to wish him ‘Happy Father’s Day’, as he passed away earlier this year at the age of 95. He lived a long life and I will always be thankful for him.
But all this has me thinking about the fact that the God of all creation, the maker of the universe and the earth and all mankind…uses the term ‘Abba-Father’ to express the relationship He desires to have with His children here on earth. IF…you don’t have a distorted perception or experience with that ‘idea’ of a ‘father’, then it can be a very fitting term to use.
I mean…look how Jesus used it when talking about coming and praying for needs…saying if we, having a selfish/evil nature have our children come and ask of you for something and we give to them…how much more will our Father in heaven give to them who ask…’ (Matt. 7:11)
When Paul was explaining how God ‘chastens those whom He loves’ in his letter to Hebrews, he refers to the fact that we ‘all had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of sprits and live?” (12:9) Again, think how that may come across to a person who was whipped and beaten by an earthly father.
Now…if we grew up in a home where these roles were demonstrated in a relatively balanced manner, it makes it a little easier to convey to others God’s truths of us having a heavenly Father who...unlike our earthly fathers, is ‘perfect’. In fact, look at how Jesus points out the end goal for us who become His disciples…that we are to be “perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect”. (Matt. 5:48)
Is it any wonder that God would take great exception when we ‘mis-represent’ Him. And oh how often we can do that not realizing the long term consequences it has.
When a child grows up with a distorted and skewed perception of what a ‘father’ is, based on their own personal experience…it can be quite the obstacle in winning that grown child over to a heavenly father who truly loves them. Pretty much like how when we fail to live out our faith as ‘Christians’ can leave a really bad taste in the eyes/mouths of people who don’t know Jesus and all they can associate God with is how we live our lives out before them. It complicates things.
If you ever try to convince a person who was abused and/or neglected as a child that God was their heavenly Father …good luck with that. Never underestimate the power and influence of personal experience. That’s not to say it is impossible to get past, but it is only by the grace and mercy of God’s Spirit who can heal any damaged heart. He actually specializes in that. Did I mention my Father was a ‘heart surgeon’? Not my earthly dad…he was a dentist. ;-)
I would submit to you today that if we have been taught a distorted or faulty view of who God is, it can make it that more challenging to have to ‘unlearn’ some things about God and who He is and what He is all about. If you were infused with some version of God who was ‘syrupy love on steroids’, it will be hard to wrap your head around the fact He has ‘another aspect or side’ to Him. Paul tells us to ‘behold the goodness AND the severity of God’. (Rom. 11:22) The same could be said if you grew up cowering in fear of an angry deity who was out to get you, it can then be a challenge to convince someone of that mindset how much God truly loves them and wants nothing but His best for them.
Oh…if we only did things His way…how much heartache and pain and suffering could we have avoided?
So I find that one of the very last promises recorded in the Old Testament before ‘God signed off for 400 years” of writings is found in Malachi 4:6. God expresses that should we ‘remember’ His law and statutes and judgments, that before the coming of the ‘great and dreadful day of the Lord’…that the ‘hearts of the fathers will be turned to the children, and the hears of the children to their fathers’.
I’m sure there are different ways you can take and read that….but the bottom line is…God is all about restoring…restoring broken lives…hearts…relationships. And the only way that can happen is if we are willing to humble ourselves and draw near to Him with the willingness to admit…that maybe we were wrong about some things. Maybe that is why God has to oftentimes re-introduce Himself to us. Much like He did to that generation of Israelites in Exodus and Deuteronomy who had drifted and ended up in bondage and apart from God.
I can promise you this…that despite your past experiences (and scars) related to growing up with faulty parents and even worse…a damaging experience with learning about who God is, it’s not so bad that God can’t fix and help you overcome all that damage. And it would be to your advantage to allow Him to do that. Because the other thing I can promise based on what God’s word tells us…there will be the ‘coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord’ (Mal.4:5) and it is NOT the will of God for any to perish, but for all to come to repentance. (2 Pet 3:9)
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